I’ve been sorta pregnant four times. Being sorta pregnant sorta sucks. It’s like you’re late, you test early, you see two lines, you go for a blood test, you’re pregnant, and then it’s JUST KIDDING! The hcg numbers don’t double. The outlook is bad. The numbers come crashing down and you’re back to square one. It’s a chemical pregnancy. Here are six reasons why being sorta pregnant sorta sucks:
- You waste AT LEAST $50 bucks on pee sticks every time. (Far too much money going down my toilet.)
- You get your hopes up.
- You might even tell your closest people and then you have to untell them.
- You stop drinking alcohol.
- You’re boobs still hurt.
- You have to do it AGAIN?
Have you ever been sorta pregnant? They tell me four times is a lot to be sorta pregnant, but I’m sorta on top of things (pun intended.) This definitely happened to our grandmothers, but they never knew it. They didn’t obsess. I always seem to end up with a kid in the end, though. I better go dye my hair, get a keratin treatment, drink some unpasteurized milk at the farm, eat some coldcuts and
do some sit-ups. Hell, I better go crazy this Christmas and and get sorta drunk.